Since this blog is a part of my hub domain and/or network and the subsequent domains under it, I suppose this would be a good place to explain to all of you why several of my domains or smaller websites have been put on hiatus (long or short) or simply not updated for quite some time. I have gotten some questions from friends – as well as random visitors – about why certain sites or aspects of sites are down or not updated, and I felt I owe you all the real explanation. It’s unfair to just keep silent and not say what my intentions for the future are, so thus I am letting you all in on what is going on behind the scenes.

Creating and maintaining websites has been my number one hobby for quite a long time. I opened my very first fanlisting¹ (for Japanese visual kei band Malice Mizer) on February 7th, 2003. It is now mid February of 2010, and I am still running fanlistings. They were the lone activity that got me so into web design and development, and even if I stopped running fanlistings, I would not stop making other sorts of websites altogether. Creating and editing websites is entertaining for me as well as challenging. I enjoy almost every aspect of it. That said, I always have assumed the only thing that could separate me from websites would be some sort of devastating event in the future. What I didn’t expect was that something from my past would be the cause of a lot of stress and sacrifice.

There is no way I can detail absolutely every little thing that lead up to how this all occurred. Explaining the logistics is impossible in some ways because certain things will never be known. Whether it was fate, coincidence, or plain old bad luck, it can’t be changed: that’s life. Thus, I shall jump to September of 2009 to give you all an idea of the situation at hand.

I developed some very bizarre neck movements and behaviors in September of last year that were later diagnosed as acute torticollis². After two months of intense physical therapy, all my pain and strange movements went away and thus lead me to believe I would never deal with my neck again in that manner. As luck would have it, my neck movements and extreme pain returned the first week of my second semester at college, but this time they were much more severe. I thought perhaps I had neglected proper posture and important stretching in the time leading up to the symptoms returning, but it soon became very obvious something entirely different was going on.

After less than two weeks of new symptoms solely in my neck, Pandora’s Box was seemingly opened and pretty much all hell broke loose. To be more specific, I began to lose control over the basic fundamental movements in certain areas of my body, which – needless to say – is fairly frustrating and scary. My problem was not just my neck being stuck to one side anymore; I was dealing with movement issues in my shoulders, my head overall, my hands and each individual finger, my legs, and even my larynx³. While the majority of the movement issues I have are not painful, they are extremely tiresome, both physically and mentally.

Right now, my daily life consists of a lot of timing and balance on my part to simply keep doing things I need to do, like attending classes and completing homework. The analogy that best fits the situation is a check book; every day is a new balance sheet. I have 24 hours total to complete various tasks (ex: sleeping, showering, homework, errands, cleaning, etc) and each of those tasks takes up a varied amount of minutes. As the day begins to progress, I have to become very aware of how many minutes I have spent and how many minutes I have left to use. For me, though, this isn’t a matter of how many things can I do in one day: it is about how much energy and control do I have to get everything done. I now know that all activities will take an approximate number of minutes and thus an approximate amount of energy. If for some reason I misjudge a task greatly, I will end up having to take my “minutes of energy” away from something else in the day. Sadly, that has become pretty common.

My days are played by ear as I genuinely have no idea what is going to happen by the end of the day. Some days I feel pretty good and can exert more energy than I thought I could. Other days I am absolutely a contorted mess by the time 10pm rolls around. Every hour my body changes, and I have no say in what it is going to do.

Treatments for me are pretty limited at this stage. I have tried every pill and every exercise, but they simply cannot reach the real cause of this issue. My neurologist, who has always had definitive and insightful answers to bizarre problems I’ve had, told me that she could not help me anymore even with the extensive knowledge and education she had. The human brain is so extraordinarily complex that as much as we seem to know about it, there are still a huge number of things that we don’t understand scientifically. Frankly, I am not concerned about what chemicals and bacteria mixed with what in my brain to cause my issues now. I can’t change that; the damage has been done. All I am really concerned about is how am I going to continue to function as an independent person if I don’t get this under control?

It is my top priority to find some sort of help and treatment for what is happening to me. It’s going to take a lot of energy and maybe time, but it has to be done. If I don’t get this treated or perhaps completely fixed, I will have to adjust my entire life down to the last detail to accommodate the lack of control I have over my own body. So honestly, I think it goes without saying that my websites and “online life” have been the main area I have sacrificed to allow for more “breathing room” in my day-to-day activities. I wish it wasn’t so, but it’s something I have to deal with.

Since I have had so little ability to actually work on any websites, some of them are in fact down or static as people have noticed. Anna-Popplewell.org is on a short term hiatus until March 13th, 2010 as approved by TheFanlistings.org; AyuNation.org is not getting its new layout put up for a while; Rainie-Yang.net is static for now and will not be moved to its new domain and site design until a later date; and PhysicalFanlistings.net is a whole other issue. I am hoping to get the site reopened without my general oversight as soon as possible. The logistics and details of accomplishing that, though, are still being worked out.

This is very frustrating and annoying for me to deal with at a time like this. I am enjoying my college classes immensely, I live in my own apartment, I drive my own car, and I am responsible for myself more now than I ever have been before. I make the decisions about the way I want to live. So when I can’t tell my hand “stop shaking so much” so I can stir sugar into my tea, or “stop flailing around” to my legs so I can actually go to sleep it becomes a huge problem to understand emotionally and adapt my life around.

I am hoping this is all just some sort of temporary annoyance that can be gotten rid of in the near future. Whether it is managed through surgery, medications, injections, physical manipulation, or a combination of all of those things, I am willing to do it. I just want to be a 21 year old right now and have some fun for once in my life.

Since my last post on December 5th, 2009, quite a few things have occurred in my life both online and offline. Most notably, a new decade has begun, but I bet you already knew that. Being only five days into the year 2010, my 2010 has gotten off to a pretty grand start and simply keeps getting better with every passing day.

I’m sure you’re all curious as to why this website has changed so drastically since my last entry. In truth, this is not the same website at all. The Haley.nu Network is now defunct, and is thus setup to redirect to this newly created site when accessed. The decision to replace my old network with Mia Chimera (the site you are at now) was one I had contemplated for a while but did not act on until late December 2009. There were many factors that went into the change, and I highly encourage you to explore the subpages of this site to fully understand what this site means and represents. I’m sure some of my explanations are rather wordy or boring, but if you are really bored, they will definitely pass the time!

In the offline world, I have been extraordinarily busy and somewhat overwhelmed by recent events. December was the start of the holiday season for most of us in the USA, my family being no exception. There was plenty of shopping, decorating, and cooking to do, as well as studying for my college finals. After a month of all that, I was pretty exhausted. However, post-Christmas has been probably even busier than all of December; everything I’ve done, though, has been well worth the effort!

In the past week and a half, I have not only found a wonderful apartment of my own, but also gotten my very own car! It’s been sort of surreal to finally be able to literally see my future getting closer and closer. Driving in a car for the first time was a little nerve-wracking, but I have continually become more confident as I drive more every day. My apartment is ready to move into at this very moment, but I need to get my belongings and furnishings in order prior to the actual move. I have been so utterly fortunate to get all this taken care of in such a short amount of time. I start my second semester of college on the 20th of January, and I am greatly looking forward to being able to drive my car to school and back home to my apartment. It’s so exhilarating!

While the past few weeks have been very productive, they have not been completely stress-free. There have been plenty of ups and downs, but I am optimistic because I know things are going to change quite drastically very soon. I hope to be able to get my priorities – both online and offline – in better order to make room for things to come. I may have to cut down the time I used to spend on certain activities, but I know that it will all pay off in the end.

With this year looking so good thus far, I can only hope all of you will have a wonderful 2010, as well! I hope you all had a wonderful holiday season, and I am glad to be back blogging again!